Without "obvious" pain, can I still comment?

Yesterday Twitter alerted me to a feature in the Guardian that really caught my attention. It was written by a writer I really admire (not in a stalker-type-admire-way I haste to add), Bibi Lynch, and came with a warning that mother's may well be offended. I was quite nervous before reading the piece as a)I am a mother and b) I really enjoy reading Ms Lynch's work (not a stalker I assure you) and didn't want her to offend me.

Safe to say, I was not offended in the slightest! Hooray, I can carry on being a non-stalker-type fan and go about my business for the day. Except I couldn't, because I felt great pain on behalf of Ms Lynch and the feature, as well as the subsequent backlash, has haunted me all weekend. This leads me to here, my blog.

I have been waiting for a chance to write a response to the feature since yesterday morning. Having now got my chance I started doing some research on the feedback regarding the article. Holy cr*p people, cut the woman some slack, she can't have children! Imagine that? Can you, as a Mother, imagine that? I can't. Also, to the women reviewers who don't have children, cut the mother's some slack! We all moan, moaning is a very personal thing and we can only do it with what we know best. Ourselves. And our lot in life.

Plenty of people have taken to the 'net to provide sympathy, give moral support, express outrage and hurl abuse towards Lynch and the feature. Having trolled through a large chunk of them, I started to wonder what I could contribute? I have a child, so will never truly know the depths of her pain. I have a standard issue child*, so cannot fully know the pains of raising one with difficulties or any other defects. Plus, I didn't suffer from anything other than a scratch across the belly, sore breasts and severe tiredness after giving birth, so am out of that camp too.

So, what am I doing here then and why was I not offended? I am possibly a prime candidate to be offended:- we have a mom and dad in our family. A loud, yet adorable toddler. Dad works. Mom stays at home with said toddler. We do "family stuff", I do non-mom fun stuff, we go on family holidays and sometimes dad cooks. Bonus. I wasn't offended because the article calls for us mom's to count our blessings. And I do. Every night and throughout the day, particularly for my little girl and my family. Also, whilst reading the piece, I didn't see it as being about me for one minute. I didn't feel the need to defend my grumblings as all I could see was the pain at not being able to have children.

As to what I am doing here, commenting on the feature, I wanted to say this: firstly, the feature was published in a newspaper. Newspapers need readers and internet hits. Headlines sell papers and draw traffic to a website. It needs to be hard hitting and get a response - good or bad. Secondly, the feature was a very honest, emotional and personal piece based on one aspect of one woman's journey. Read between the lines, this lady is in pain. Following Ms Lynch on Twitter and reading any of her work from her Grazia columns, you will quickly see that she doesn't throw things at mothers in the street, she doesn't avoid children in public places and in fact knows people with children!

Lastly, she is a writer. A review of her work is one thing, a point of view from either side is another thing, but abuse is a whole other game and really, no one should be playing on that team.

*although my baby girl is standard issue, I obviously think she is perfect and the best in every possible way! Being her mother and all.

Dear Generation Standstill... get moving!

A recent Grazia (05th March) featured an article "We're best friends, talented... and jobless", profiling four girls who had gone to university together and now find themselves as one of the "1.04 million jobless 16 to 24-year-olds in Britain". These four girls, having worked and played hard together through university, are now a statistic of the "one in four graduates are out of work" variety.

Whilst I can appreciate a country recovering from a recession, economic downturn, crippling student debt and a very overpriced housing market are all big obstacles for today's youth trying to move from semi-adult to adult-adult; I didn't actually have much sympathy for these four girls. They spoke of a lack of social life (try having a baby), not being able to shop (try running a family budget), they spoke about not being able to date (I would suggest you are dating the wrong kind of man if you being unemployed, but looking to be, is an issue), they mentioned jobs such as temping and babysitting as being beneath their university-educated selves (I immediately thought they are obviously not proper starving nor suffering if this is the case!).

One girl had studied a Modern History degree and wanted to work in Advertising. Er, why Modern History to then work in Advertising? What about a Commercial Business qualification or a course that offered an internship or mentoring programme? I don't for a minute suggest that if you choice a course relevant to a specific job you will automatically get employed, but if the market is so darn tough then really you should be giving yourself as much chance as possible.

To the girl who has to temp to earn some cash, forget temping in a restaurant and get yourself into a recruitment agency. Forget the cocktails in London town, put your hard earned cash under the mattress and work harder on your plan to move into something permanent. Face each new temp job like it could be the one that opens doors for you to something else. Network. A lot.

Another of the girls has moved back in with her parents, she feels it is tough but knows she is lucky to have that option. Her mother sent her an article about passion in your job being overrated and that you should just take a job. This suggests to me that her mom is trying to help her get out the house and into a job... You might want to get a job you love, but if there are limited-to-no opportunities for this "dream job" at the moment, then can you not be working in an environment that will give you access to these opportunities? Working in a gallery coffee shop? Attending local events, submitting articles to a relevant magazine or newspaper?

I kind of get the feeling these girls are pouring over the job section waiting for something to come up that fits their profile. Are they not getting feedback from the potential employers after an interview? Where are the gaps in their CVs, how can they fix these? Are they not asking these questions? Lack of experience is a difficult hurdle, but what about a free internship? What about local networking communities, online forums? Moving countries? Starting their own business? Anything!

Apologies girls, am sure if you ever read this you will take it very personally, however you did put yourself and your stories in a magazine. A celebrity of any kind always get two kinds of feedback, think Rihanna and Chris Brown or Madonna and her single mum woes. Pretty sure you will also rant about "who the hell am I" with my opinions, but believe it or not I was also a semi-adult once. And, I too had a dream.

But, here's the thing... we all have to start somewhere! From where I'm sitting none of you seem to be starving, homeless, terminally ill or severely disabled. Generation Standstill? Why? Get a move on, you all come across as nice, bright, educated and decent girls so make a change. Make some decisions, get your mojo back and get out there.

P.S Am actually a nice person really, just got a little "bee/bonnet" like with this feature. I worked in some pretty interesting and completely non-relevant jobs in my time and managed to build a fairly successful career along the way. Of course, I then jacked it in to be a stay-at-home-mother, but that story is for another day and another post.
P.P.S Obviously this post doesn't account for every single reason semi-adults are unemployed in today's climate, but is relevant to the four girls featured in the magazine.