Tuesday, 28 February 2012

Frightful, fearless and just plain fabulous, it's Oscars 2012 time!

I tweeted this morning about asking The Toddler to please nap soon so that I could view the Oscars 2012 dresses online. Having perused Twitter over my bowl of Cheerio's I was desperate to get an eyeful of the frocks. For those people who did their work in an office today I bet you all got to view the frocks before I did! After toddlers ballet lesson, lunchtime, washing, grocery shopping, cooking dinner, cleaning up, getting organised for bedtime and a gym session I finally got to sit down and go online. Was it worth the wait? You betcha! Nice work ladies, but to some of you... sack the stylist and better luck next year!

Below is my personal review of the frightful, fearless and just plain fabulous frocks from Oscars 2012.

Coming in at number 1 is undoubtedly Gwyneth Paltrow in that Tom Ford wonder, complete with her own superhero Cape. Whilst the cape is always a little hit-and-miss Gwyneth cut a beautiful silouette and she looked truly fabulous. That woman very rarely puts a fashion foot wrong and this time round was no exception. In my next life I want Gwennie's wardrobe, body and bank balance. You can keep the blonde hair and husband though. Oh, and the macrobiotic lifestyle choices.

Next up for me was Milla Jovovich in her embellished one-shoulder wonder. Am a big Milla fan, every since the Supermodels of the 90's and her time in the Fifth Element film! She looked effortlessly gorgeous.

Ironically I am not a fan of white/cream/ivory/anything that resembles a wedding dress on the red carpet, but stand out gowns for me this year were all worthy of an aisle. An aisle in a castle mind you, like Madonna's once-upon-a-time fairytale wedding.

Further bride-like nods of approval from me went to Kristen Wiig (looked so normal-women beautiful, very understated and uber-cute) and Cameron Diaz in her strapless nude creation. Nice job Cammy, loving the new hair and really appreciated how your arms looked less like a wrestler and more like the hot chick we all know you are.

Off the bridal theme, Emma Stone's frock was fearless. Red dress, red hair should't have worked, but it did. Take note ladies, don't be afraid! The high-necked bow detailing could have gone either way as well, but again, she just landed up looking fabulous. Miss Stone has made it to my "please can I look like this one day" list.

The not-so-fabulous-but-doesn't-really-matter-because-she-is-amazing award goes to Meryl Streep. Way too much gold foiling for one woman. However the style was very flattering and Meryl was so good in "The Devil Wears Prada" that I couldn't possible slate her.

However, I can slate Natalie Portman, Sandra Bullock and J-Lo. All of these women should have known better. Natalie Portman is a beyond beautiful woman, but that polka dot creation was more Minnie Mouse does Couture than Oscars Couture. Now that I think about it, she did give birth last year. Maybe this is the equivalent to me trading my heels for converse trainers? Although I thought her son would have been too young for the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse? Miss Bullock's dress had potential, but was far too stiff for her persona, plus that embroidered bit around her waist looked like fingers trying to gauge her out. Very distracting. Now J-Lo is a very foxy lady, her behind is well-worth whatever amount it is insured for, but that dress did her no justice! Way too many candy stripes for that level of curve and way too little support for, well, that level of curve. Think her new young man, Casper, is leading her astray.

Lastly, mention must go to Angelina Jolie. Whilst the black velvet Versace number was fabulous in itself, her bed hair was very sexy and Brad Pitt was her date, that right leg was very disturbing. It is far too skinny and had to be shoved out at an unnatural angle to really get the full effect of that slit, this move made her look like she was perhaps hiding a few of her kids under the skirt to smuggle them into the ceremony. All this done through a very big, red-lipped smile. A smug smile of course, she is probably thinking "say what you like, I'm the one holding his hand!"

So, a round up of the memorable frocks for me, good or bad, same time next year? Until then, normal child-rearing activities will commence.

Sunday, 26 February 2012

My name is Suz and I'm a Mommy Bore*

*Bore not Whore!

I read a recent article stating that the worst kind of tweets or Facebook posts are from Mommy Bores. You know the ones who post online about every leaf the Toddler gives them as a present (mine does this, I mainly bin them when she's not looking), or the ones who post pictures online of every outfit (I do this, but mainly because the Toddler is pretty cute and has a fierce wardrobe that I am secretly very envious of) or the ones who think it's cute that their kiddie woke them up at 2am clutching their favourite story wanting you to read it to them (mine does this, I refuse and send her back to bed, it wasn't cute).

I felt a little defensive after reading that article.

You must be wondering why I confess to being a Mommy Bore  and feeling defensive towards my status if I display such mixed opinions of the kind of parent who does these posts (i.e. paragraph 1)... to be honest I fall on either side of the divide, I have in turn laughed at Mommy Bore Posts, cringed at such posts for just being totally ridiculous or really enjoyed seeing/reading them. I feel like I can be hypocritical on this subject matter because I abide my by own set of strict online rules:-

  1. Facebook is very private and reserved for family and close friends. Frequent posts include pictures of the Toddler, (edited) holiday snaps and a few drunken posts about the woes of have too many vino's the night before the Toddler's 9am ballet lesson. 
  2. Twitter is open to the general public and reserved for mainly adult (not the porn variety) tweets. I like to think of Twitter as my space for my own views and my account doesn't include any pictures of the wee one.
  3. The Blog is a little bit of both, hence "Pieces of Suz", without naming names or including personal pictures and encompassing all aspects of me (not to be confused with that multi-personality syndrome).

The thing to remember here people is that a) you can delete friends from your Facebook account; b) you can choose to protect your tweets and accept followers "by invitation only" and c) you can choose to have a private blog. In other words you can use what you want to see and read. You know, as in you have the control!

Also, there are some small, but significant differences between a Mommy Bore and a Smug Mommy! The Mommy Bore thinks her kids rock, however is a total realist and knows that although she loves them to bits they are flawed and can sometimes be a tad annoying. She loves them anyway. The Mommy Bore generally posts the good, bad and downright ugly aspects of parenting and can laugh at herself and her delightfully flawed family. She crushes on the characters in the Disney movies and sniggers at euphemisms involving "Woody" from Toy Story.  On the other hand the Smug Mommy doesn't believe a M&S meal counts as homemade, she keeps every leaf her kiddies gives her as a gift and doesn't bin the pictures from nursery with just one tiny dot on them.

I like to think I avoid Smug Mommy territory by warning my followers before doing anything smug, as in *warning smug mommy post to follow*, thereby giving them the chance to switch off and avoid any forthcoming messages. Am nothing but selfless, I know.

In saying all this I have noticed that anyone who claims to despise the Mommy Bores does not in fact have any children and in turn is equally irritating for their "up all night awesome party" posts, followed closely by "slept all day due to hangover from awesome party" posts. I found these posts annoying because I am a little jealous that I am not at said awesome party or sleeping for most of a day. See, am just jealous hence hating on your "awesome party" posts... Think about that Mommy Bore Haters!

Monday, 20 February 2012

What's in a name?

The Toddler’s new venture into a fully comprehensive world is asking me what the names of every animal and creature we see is. This may sound easy (think cow, sheep, dog, etc) and very reasonable considering she is coming up to 3 years old but our little Smart Cookie is not actually concerned with the scientific name of the animal, as in what kind is it mommy? But what is it’s actual name!

Picture the scene: We are driving, I am in uber-mommy mode and pointing out our surroundings as we pass “look at that brown cow, look at that black sheep” and so on. With each of those, she wants a name, a proper name! Everytime I am stumped. I can’t think beyond Sam, John or Adam (I don’t actually know a Sam, John or Adam!). I have used these variations so many times she doesn’t believe me anymore and now responds with “no mommy, what’s its name!”. I feel pressure. A lot.

I then start keeping quiet on car journeys. I am thinking of names before we see anything, just in case. I have added Jess to my repertoire. And Amy (drawing on a family name). I try to avoid names of friends or known-family, of course these are always the ones that fly through your head. “Look Princess there goes your Uncle the sheep!”

More recently, I have abandoned the ” I Spy” game and we sing in the car instead. She has just about cracked “Moves Like Jaggar” and Emeli Sande’s “Next To You”.

Apparently an education comes in all shapes and forms.

Sunday, 19 February 2012

Make mine a side of Skinny, please?

I joined a gym. Not any old gym, but a tiny one. For Women Only. The concept is simple and in theory should be very effective. I am trying not to get my hopes up and keep telling myself to be realistic. However, I have caught myself daydreaming about my soon-to-be-revealed Cindy Crawford-esque body. I know Cindy Crawford is very old skool, the Supers circa 1990, but Miranda Kerr and her multimillion-pound-Victoria-Secret-Bra-finale-walk-6-weeks-after-giving-birth is hugely out of my reach!

In my head I am a few weeks into my new regime and find myself waving with my hand and not my wings, my muffin top is reserved for the (non fat) blueberry variety on my plate alongside a skinny, soya, no-caffeine latte and I get out of bed in the morning using my newly formed 6-pack…

…back in the real world I have to actually go to the gym (at least) 3 times a week, have to give up crisps, cheese, chocolate and CUT DOWN on the wine. I mostly feel this can all happen. I am determined. I am ready. I am enthusiastic. And I spent a large part of this weekend eating out the snack cupboard to allow for no temptation next week. See, already I am making huge personal sacrifices for my size 12-goal!?

After my first training session on Saturday morning, I am still raring to go, but do have one small sort-of-complaint. The staff. Not that they are not very helpful, friendly and encouraging, but that they are not uber-hot. I prefer my gym-staff to look way hotter than I do *think I do*. I want to see swishy hair, buns of steel and legs that make Heidi Klum look dumpy. I want to think “phwoar!” whilst pounding the step machine. Or maybe a better word is “motivated”?

On the other hand, maybe the fact that this gym is already unconventional in every other way, this is the last stereotype to go? With that in mind, I may even get good results this time… Watch this space.

Friday, 17 February 2012

Sharing is Caring.

Having had this blog account for a few months I must confess that I hadn't shared the URL link. With anyone. Not even my (mostly) anonymous Twitter followers. Why you ask? Firstly, I was embarrassed by the lack of content. Secondly, I am still sussing out this blogging game. Finally, I am still sussing out the blogging content - nobody wants to be a “blogging-no-mates”.

More recently, I told my Mom and The FiancĂ© I had a blog, separately. They both responded with “but what will you talk about, besides your Daughter”?! I can’t lie, I didn’t take it well, from either source. I like to think of myself as an (as yet) unopened atom bomb of useful information and brimming with wit and intelligence. Ahem. After I got off my soapbox and the room emptied of the notorious pink elephant left behind from a well-meaning, yet ill-timed comment, I had a little think about what they had both said.

I also did some google homework and found plenty of successful, funny, insightful and useful bloggers - blogging about their kids and pretty much everyday activities of having said kids. Great, I will join them I thought.

So I pressed the “share” button. Then sent the link to my Big Brother. He was very enthusiastic and told me I was going to be the next BIG internet sensation. I am pretty sure he wasn’t referring to my *growing* bottom and hopefully nothing to do with the notoriously large "adult" internet business either.

This is for all those people out there who will benefit from these ramblings. Someone will I’m sure of it.

GSOH need only apply.

Wednesday, 15 February 2012

Social Media is your eye to the world!

Welcome to The Blog. I am told Social Media is a Stay-At-Home-Mommy’s salvation. Being a SAHM I can’t disagree. Never mind the daily complexities of counting my toddler’s five-a-day, without Twitter, a good blog or Facebook I wouldn’t know a thing about the outside world and wouldn’t be able to hold a conversation with anyone other than my daughter.

Much to The FiancĂ©’s surprise I heard about the quakes in New Zealand from Facebook and the quakes in Turkey from Twitter. All this before he had even woken up and heard the hourly BBC update. One point to me.

In an attempt to broaden my horizons, I follow a range of news worthy sites on my current Social Network of choice, Twitter. Of course, it is debatable how “news worthy” Celebuzz really is, but that is a matter of personal opinion.

In lieu of being a SAHM and still harping over taking over the world, editing the September issue of Vogue and finally maybe being a little cool, blogging is the latest addition to my expanding “eye on the world”. Of course, I hope to add to that with an (too) honest account of motherhood and the modern woman. Yes I know, in light of our current economic climate and various examples of biblical prophecies coming true throughout the world, this is what everyone really wants to know about…